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Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Mouse Adventures: Part 1

Today, I girded my loins and dialed 407-W-DISNEY to begin planning our Disney vacation, getting package prices etc.....

I love our "adopted daughter," JLH dearly.  We're missing our favorite bike event for her wedding.  I, mean, really.  It's a sacrifice. This is true love.  We said we would show, no matter where she got hitched. No doubt, I'm storing up a poop-load of guilt points, sighing and razzing her for years to come.  Trust me, this would not our first choice for a destination va-cay.  But since we're going for "an event", we might as well make it a damn vacation. We deserve it.  They have pools there.  And hopefully: sunshine. The Spousal Unit likes Pools and Sunshine.

The Spousal Unit just hopes there isn't a hurricane.  The last time we did this wedding-vacation thing , we decided to make it our delayed honeymoon as well.  It was September 2004.  For those of you are scratching your heads as to why the hell that matters, I have two names for you: Katrina and Ophelia.  Our little Bahamian sojourn to the Atlantis was sandwiched in between those two devastating hurricanes.  JLH, let's not make this wedding of yours a repeater, OK?

Smart folks that we are, we are staying on-sight.  Screw the car.  We're hoping all our Florida friends will come visit us for a change!  That would be rather unique, as all of our vacations over the past 13 years (except the Atlantis and one lovely weekend at Chautauqua have all centered around "visiting" with maybe a cycling event thrown in here and there.

Back to Disney World. Holy crap and tons of choices, Bat-Man.

I love the "Luxury" verse "Moderate" hotel rating.  "Standard" View versus "Garden."  I'm glad I asked what the difference was. (Hint: you don't want standard.)  And yes, you pay for the difference.  It's The Mouse after all.  The Mouse, he is NOT cheap.  The difference between a "moderate" resort (they're NOT hotels, they are RESORTS!  Get it right!) and the luxury one, like the Grand Floridian is (choke) about $2,000 MORE for a 6 night/7 day stay.  Granted, by all accounts, you don't get over-Moused at the Grand Floridian.  We can take a little Mousing for a cheaper price.

I had the Disney travel lady, Shauni, I got on the phone laughing so hard I thought she was going to have to put me on hold.  I was on a roll.

"So," she says, "The Disney Magic Transport (or whatever the hell they call it) will take your luggage from the airport to your room at the hotel...."

"That's nice! Uh, do we get there?  Do we have to crawl in the suitcase?"

"No, we stopped making guests do that a while ago." (OK, this lady is cool! She's warped!)

"That's good. So they bring US and the luggage from the airport? That's a relief.  What they are charging for steamer trunks on planes these days is outrageous." (Chortle.)

She actually was great and incredibly helpful but I swear she was going to spit her coffee out when I said, "Look, I have to level with you, we're coming for a wedding and.....frankly, we're probably two of the most unenthusiastic Mouse Tourists you've gotten this week. If not ever."

"No, I had a few..."

"My husband worked at The Mouse in '76 and '77.  He's got stories.  Crazy stories. He's not a huge fan..."

She pauses.....choking laughter.  "Well, then you might not like the Coranado Resort..."

"Why's that?"

"Well....(pause, throat clearing), it's uh, SO Disney, you almost don't need to go to the Magic Kingdom. It's, well, how can I put's (pause) WAY Disney."

"Nah, I don't want to stay husband will probably go postal!"  (Choking laughter.)

A while later, I ask the Big Question, "I need to  In the room.  I got news.....If there isn't coffee in our room, it could be a deal breaker...."

She checked.  There is, in the hotel we're most likely staying in.

I gave her a really good review in their survey, by the way.

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