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Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Puppy Fostering: The Beginning (Part A)

So, you want to be a Puppy Foster?  Oh, better actually want your female dog to give BIRTH so you can have puppies?

Wow, good for you.  Kudos to you.  You're crazy.  You are f--g insane.

Puppies ARE adorable!  Not a doubt in my mind of the adorableness of puppies!  They are soft, darling, funny, klutzy, squishy folds of skin with beguiling eyes and puppy breath!

They are also:

Unbelievably messy, whining, clawing, piranhas with razor sharp teeth that chew EVERYTHING and ANYTHING!  I mean ANYTHING!  Rocks, paper, metal, wood, (fabric is a biggie), newspapers in their pen, your flesh, your other dogs....anything is fair game to their gaping maws and jaws!  The more mobile they are, the more havoc they bring!

I got these little adorable, whiny, squealing, demanding, barking kids on April 7th as they begin their journey from Mom (and Helpers) to becoming separate entities, becoming their Own Dog and into their forever homes (one hopes and prays). They were 8 weeks old when I got them; this is Week Two.  Tomorrow they get spayed and neutered.

Elke was a pretty terrible puppy, she chewed tons.  But for some odd reason, she was housetrained when we found her at 4 months old. Artie chewed tons too and housetraining HIM was a real challenge.  I never thought he'd get it and then one day, BAM! he got it!  Praise the Gods and pass the ammunition!

Now that we, er, uh.....what's this "We" stuff, Sherlock? the Spousal Unit is very helpful, don't misunderstand and kind enough to open part of his house for these little ones who need this bridge to the next phase of their lives.  But he is at work and probably glad to be in the Citrix Jungle as opposed to here.  With Puppies.  So...let me rephrase.

Now that I have these puppies, Elke thinks she's died and gone to Hell.  She is NOT amused at all.  I have 2 chairs surrounded by an X-pen.  This is her safety zone. She's OK outside with them but inside is a new kind of Hell.

Let me give you an example of my day. Yesterday, Tuesday April 16th, my day started with screaming, hungry pups who needed to go outside at 6am. I cleaned out the puppy pen 3 times, swabbed the floors, picked up poop so they don't EAT it (inside and outside), listened to never-ending whining, "I'm in my crate!  It's WET outside!  I'm in my play pen and you're not. I want to be on your lap so I can chew on your face, finger, shirt, boob, arm.... No, I want down!" You have to watch every second and step because your big clumsy human feet might step on them!  Think Cats That Bark and you'll get the idea. At least, at this point in their lives, they are not nocturnal!

Whine, whine, whine!  WHINE!!  And that's the short version!

When they nap, you nap.  It's like having a newly-walking baby with really sharp teeth.  Really sharp. And claws like a cat. That pisses EVERYWHERE!  They are babies with teeny weenie bladders and they drink like frat boys on Free Keg Night.  And they piss like frat boys after Free Keg Night.  Every day is like Free Keg Night.

Today started at 5:53 am.  It's 7:51 am.  I may get a bit of breakfast and a brief nap.  I'm taking the chance....I'm turning off the ringer on the phone so I'm not awakened by some telemarketing a**hole.....

More Later....

I"m slithering out of the den with sleeping pups and big dogs in crates....

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