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Thursday, June 13, 2013

First Night of Dog Class: Beyond CGC

Taking Artie to his first Beyond CGC class (all positives, L'Chaim Canine) showed me a couple of things:

1) he may be smarter than me. This is not surprising.
2) he sure as heck is faster than me.
3) he actually is starting to want to please me.
4) I need to work with him waaaay more. There's so much potential there!

Well, duh!


And now.....
From the dogs' point of view:




WHINE!!!!!!!!! CRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Artie: (blowing raspberries....) Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah!  

I went in a different car.  Aunt Kim's car!  I wanted to stick my head out the window, but noooooooo!  Stupid humans. 

Where are we going?  Oh, wait, this looooks smells familiar   
I'm getting out of the car....I know where this class place!  Oooooh, bark-bark-bark-shrieking-high-bark! No, Mom, I don't want to shut up!  

There is another dog!  Hi Dog!!! hi, hi, hiya, dog!!!!  Oh, another dog!  Hiya dog! Why aren't you letting me say hi to the fluffy dog???  OK, we'll go sniff and I'll try and pee on things.  

OMG, Mom actually LET me lift my leg and didn't yell at me.  Until after the second time.  Then she told me to quit marking.  Stupid human....

Come on.....Let me pee on things....Oooooh, oooooh, I think I might gotta take a dump!  Yes, Mom, I heard you say "Go poopaloopa!"  

(Mom scooped up my poop.  Good Mom.  You remember a bag!)

We finally get to go into the building.  OMG, there are two of my FAVORITE HUMANS EVER!   Momma Jen and Auntie Kelsey!  Wheeeeee!!!  Bark, HI, Bark! Wiggle, jump on you!  


But they ignore me.  Fine. Be that way.  

The fluffy dog is there. I know he is.  I can smell him. But he's behind some blankets over an x-pen so I can't see him.  But I can see another dog, Roxie!  She is bigger than me.  Mom found out she is a young Greater Swiss Mt. Dog.  She's a baby, she's only 7 months old. 

Momma Jen talks human talk to our people, says what we're going to do in class, blah-blah-blah. The humans nod and listen. Training the humans is hard. 

 Mom has cheese so I'm kind of looking at her. The first thing we are supposed to do in class is look at our human's eyes and sit really close to them in their chair.  I can do that  I do that a lot at home.  Mom clicks her tongue when I do that and I know what that means: treat!!  We take a break and then this part gets confusing.  

Now I love my Mom and Dad and Elke.  (I'm not sure about that cat-thing...but his food is good!)  But sometimes I just don't know what Mom or Dad want me to do.  This is one of those times.  Mom is a slow poke.  I know she has food but what does she want me to do?  I turn my head to the right, click-treat.  Ok, I can do that!  Wait, I did it, where's my treat?  Do you want me to do that? No, wait, i moved my paw and you click-treated me.  Sh*t, what do I do now?  Turn my head, move my foot?  


I need a break!  Aunt Kelsey gives me a tug toy (OMG!) and Mom and I go into a hallway away from the other dogs, so I can tug and play and be stupid and not upset anybody!  

I LOVE TUGGY!!!!  I love the whole growling, pulling mess of it all!  I love to make noises! 

We come back into the room and Mom holds out her hand.  What now?  I'm getting tired and my brain hurts.  I think I remember this one: Touch. But I'm not sure. Aunt Kelsey does it a few times with me and I kinda get it.  But I'm starting to look around the room.  Mom feels bad, I know she does.  She says, "I think he's done."  

Momma Jen says class is over and she will send our humans "assignments."  

What is an assignment and can you eat it? 

The other dogs leave and I get to be in the room loose and sniff while Mom helps put things away.  I smell where the fuzzy dog was. Then we got to Momma Jen's car and Mom puts me in a crate.  Wow, there are a TON of smells in here! Other dogs and stuff. I got home and go in the back yard.  Mom lets Elke out....

Elke: WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?????  Oooooooooh, there is a different car in the driveway.....I see a human....Oh, Hi, Momma Jen!  I love you, love you!

Artie: God, what a suck-up!  

The End.  For now.

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