Tuesday, June 12, 2012
After reading an interesting blog by my cousin Amy on an article she found, going back to the days of Donna Reed, I think some of the advice I would give someone getting married, male or female is:
Be kind. Think before you go off half-cocked.
Remember your manners. Just because you're married, doesn't mean your good manners go down the toilet. "Please" and "Thank You" do matter. Why should you treat a stranger with more courtesy than your spouse. Treat him like a gentleman and if you picked the right one (I hope like he** you did) and he will treat you like a lady. And vice versa for men.
Remember the good stuff, especially when things are difficult. Contrary to popular belief, good stuff can and does continue to happen.
Hug every day. Or more. But it should be mutual! Hugging is big. We don't hug enough in society in general. If you've always made that connection, it'll come in handy if one of you is really sick or downhearted.
Laugh often. Together. A lot. If that means you have to sit around and check out "The People Of Walmart" website together, do it. Don't be ashamed!
My mother used to say (and I'm almost ashamed to admit it but she was right) that marriage is like a yoke of oxen. You can shuffle along, one might go a little ahead of the other at times, but you basically have to be on the same path. When you diverge, the yoke breaks. Different interests? Of course! But the marriage should be basically on the same path, in the same book.
All the old married couples I've ever talked to say
!) to put him/her first above all others, INCLUDING the kids.
2) Fight fair and make up fair.
3) Don't be afraid to apologize.
4) Never neglect your relationship.
5) Love yourself and caring for someone will be even easier.
As a woman, I've discovered that men do need their weird, little time-capsule space, wind-down thing after coming home. I don't know why they can't do it on the drive home like any decent woman but they can't. Accept it, even though it's frustrating as seven hells. Sounds old-fashioned but it's true. With both sexes, decompressing is a good thing but with men it seems to be even more necessary.
Don't be afraid to ask for what you want or need. They, alas, aren't mind readers.
When you need him to listen to you, try this. If you say to a guy, "Look, I didn't need you to fix my problem, I just need you to listen, nod occasionally, say 'and what happened then?' here and there so I know you're still awake and hold me if I cry while I talk this out," nine times out of ten he'll actually (even while getting slightly glassy eyed and loopy) do this for you. Especially if you tell him, "I need 15 (or 20) minutes to rant" and stick to the time limit. This is crucial and most importantly, fair. Remember: if a man can't fix, screw it, kill it, BBQ it or break it, he's kind of clueless because most men actually WANT to help you. His way may be to take a baseball to your boss, which might be a little inappropriate.
Oh, yes, remember: men are clueless. Some other woman can be all over your husband waggling her boobs in his face and nine times out of ten, he'll be Clueless Charley at the cocktail party. This has happened to me quite a bit. You'll know what's up, so just get on that chick's case. It can be as subtle as a raised eyebrow. You know, she knows, and she'll know that you know. Don't expect him to say, "Oh, that baaaaad woman." Nope. Won't happen.
Men exist in a different time continuum than women. I think you have to be pretty specific. "I would like you to clean up the backyard in a week, please?" If you just ask them to clean up the yard, you might be waiting for centuries while he watches every sporting event known to man while you're getting more and more pissed off. Time frames seem to work well.
A "Project" is an excuse to buy another tool. This is the sole purposes of "Projects."
Men are just as gossipy and evil as women. Maybe even more so. yes, even straight men. Never forget this. And never underestimate that, under the right alignment, they can diss the dirt with you like the cattiest chick you know! It's kind of fun!
That being said... He is a man, you are a woman. That's why you married him.
Women Advice For Men:
If your daddy told you, "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy," he was right. But ladies, do be reasonable.