The Training of The Humans

By Rufus The Magnificent
So, I thought I would let you know about the training of the Dad-Human, Marty. (I have Mom trained pretty well.)

Being a Male Human, he is not always as quick to respond as Female Humans. I must exert myself and meow plaintively. I guide him down the stairs, stopping to meow loudly. Is my bowl properly full? Yes. Do I have water? Yes. However, I have decided that I like Science Diet Savory Seafood. Not that grocery store crap. But some food that yes, my humans must go out of their way to obtain for me. It is only right and fitting.

Last night, after plaintive and piteous meowing, I got the Dad Human to play with me. After he had exercised me, I deigned to lay at his feet, in my Meatloaf position. He must know what a privilege this is.

Why do humans call us Meatloaves With Ears? Most undignified. Almost as bad as "The Doughnut" or "Croissant!"

Tonight however, having decided that I like the wet food Mom-Human gets me in the morning (after she has performing the Royal Scooping) I thought that I deserved (of course) some more wet food.

"Yes, Dad-Human, that is nice that you filled my dry food bowl, but no. Yes, it is nice that you freshened my water but no! Meeeee-rrrrr-ooow! (Louder) Meeeeee-OOOW! Ah, he has brought me a bit of my wet food. Later the exercise portion of the evening will commence."

This is the latest installment of How To Train Your Humans by Rufus the Magnificent.

Come visit me soon and see how well I'm doing with my Human Training. I would LOVE to have you worship, er, uh, Visit me soon.

My Grandson Aidan with Marty....a few weeks ago!

I am a very interesting Grandparent. I m very loving nd huggy, of course. I am not afraid to get down on the ground (getting up is another matter) or getting dirty. I'm pretty laisse-faire about the whole "getting dirty" thing. (So is Marty: "You can hose 'em off! They are wash and wear!") But I know that I am and ever will be "Frau Getten-Zu-Assen, She-Wolf of The Miss Manners Gestapo." I will tell anybody's kid to use "Please" and Thank you." I don't give a royal rat's rear end whose kid it is. I'm not Calpernia the Maid and I ain't your Step-N-Fetch girl. If they're young, really young, I will say, "Please?" (Hint-hint.) If they're around 6 or older you can use a bit of sarcasm. If their teenagers or God forbid older than THAT, it's no holds barred!

What was it someone said? "Manner will get you anywhere." Or something like that. I don't necessarily mean Knife and Fork Manners, although those are extremely helpful. But Please and Thank You and just being a kind, courteous person. Nothing frosts my biscuit sideways than people who say manners are outdated or even worse; they don't know better, they weren't raised right, whatever the lame excuse of the week is. I see young people making those kind of excuses, for themselves and for their friends. I know people who were and are very poor, with great deal of misfortune in their past. Manners are learned and you can learn them any time.

Oh, (insert swear word), I sound like my (insert another swear word) grandmother now.

The Great "Chop" and Amazement

Today was the second time I've had a chance to see my new Great Nephew, Baby B aka "lambchop" aka "The Chop" via Skype. My, how he has grown! It was really nifty see him and I can't wait to see him in "real life!"

My sister Tthe Grandmother aka "Grammie") was such a Coo-Meister that I wondered, "Who are you and what have you done with my sister!?" Inquiring minds want to know!

It is a crazy, wonderful world in which we can see each other live and talk. You don't have to wait for a movie to be sent but you see it in real time anywhere in the world you can get an Internet connection. Amazing! I remember watching the Moon landings and hearing the astronauts talk to us folk back here on Mother Earth. Now I can talk and see Dani and Bryan and "The Chop" any old time we can hook up. And now, as if that weren't amazing ENOUGH, you can get a cell phone with the capability to Skype!

Another amazing thing is what a natural my niece is at this whole Mother thing. I (who have never hatched) never felt I would have been a natural at it; one of the many reasons I didn't. I m a good aunt (nay, a Great one) and a good Grandmother (albeit a Step, but still....). That whole Mother thing. Amazing! It is very strange to see someone YOU diapered, changing her own kid.

Screaming Like a Little Girl

Just when you're think you're pretty cool and mature, along comes something that puts your cool in the crapper.

I was helping Marty lay some (really a whole bunch) of weed block. As I was tucking the fabric underneath a hosta, something bit me on the forearm. Ouch! (It still hurts and it's red and swollen). OK, fine, I got bitten by something gross. (Hate bugs.) about ten minutes later there was this loud buzzing about my head. I could see it (sort of) out of the corner of my eye. It looked like a B52 bomber and it was not going to leave me alone. Marty's hollering at me to stand still then run, then stand still. I'm confused and scared and this big buzzer is in my HAIR and in my glasses, which got jettisoned. All the time I am screaming at the top of my lungs. Marty is yelling at me to calm down and go in the house. "It'll go IN there with me; are you crazy?" I'm screaming like a demented banshee and doing my best St. Vitus Dance intermingled with being frozen in terror.

Needless to say, he finally got my panicked rear end in the house. It was NOT my finest hour by any stretch of the imagination.

I suppose the upside is it's given the neighbors something to talk about because you could probably hear my well-trained vocal chords on Lake Erie. Nice to know in a real pinch, I got the lung power!

Rufus, The New Family Member

Why did I adopt a cat?

We had two. OK, they weren't mine. They were Megan's babies. I liked Dink and Envy, they were very sweet kitties.

I wanted our own cat. Marty wanted a black cat and I like black cats myself. This guy was at the Humane Society (named Rueben -- their spelling). Here's his bio!

"Rueban - Adopted! Domestic Short Hair-Black
"More About Rueban
"Rueban is a male kitty around 6 years old. He is such a sweetheart. He loves to be brushed and petted and will sit in your lap as long as you let him. He is a big purr machine and will "make biscuits" when he is really happy. He's a laid-back guy, not really interested in playing but would much rather be getting pets from you. He even will roll over for belly rubs. Rueban has potential with cats but it is not known how he would be with dogs."

At the Humane Society, I asked them to bring in a very friendly, stable Pit girl dog named Windie. Rueben was fine with her. Ignored her which is perfect. I actually felt a little awkward asking them to test him with dogs but they were so agreeable to doing that and they got 6 other cats tested as well at the same time. It was an interesting process.

I had hung out with him a couple of times at the shelter and had Marty come in to see him and other black kitties as well.

I did NOT want a kitten. No thanks! Adorable but they are crazy-batsh*t-huts! I wanted an adult cat. He seemed to fit the bill nicely. I wanted someone who was pretty mellow and friendly.

Plus Rueben needed a home and was unlikely to get one soon. He was not doing well coming back to the shelter (that's another story) and had lost a lot of weight. He's an older (6 years old) BLACK cat. We have at least 8 black cats at the shelter.

By the way, I can't take credit for the two really good pictures of him. They were taken by someone at the Humane Society.

More later....